IF (and 'Y')

If you stay,

Hug me like a teddy,

If you cry,

Treat you like a baby,

If I angry,

Take it as a lucky,

If I happy,

Keep it as a memory.

Yet,

Distance, the disaster. 

What LOVE had taught Me!

The most beautiful scenery isn’t the things that are luxurious and expensive. Sometimes, they are priceless and we even ignore it. To love and be loved, assuming that being loved is the real happiness but sometimes it doesn’t make sense. No matter what, just go for it and prove it right. Finding your own happiness is not tough, the toughest thing is when you have achieved it, hesitation and bad prediction create a failure in a relationship. Trust the one who makes you really feel comfortable with…be yourself in front of him is the luckiest situation. You will never know how much effort you will put it in when you have fallen in love. I don’t need the most beautiful scenery; you are the one who creates it.

            These few months…experiencing long-distance relationship is a must for us. When you need a hug…when you need someone who comforts you…when you can’t bear with the loneliness…when you want to share the happy things around you, but the person is NOT there…when you think about him but you can’t call him…afraid that it will interrupt his studies, ‘you’ need to bear with it. Even though you are not by my side, you do help a lot too, whenever I come across those difficulties, there is always a strength which motivates me. Feeling safe when you hear he is alright at the other place…the same time and the same world. I am not going to say ‘Tu Ran Hao Xiang Ni’ because we always do so. Always and always. Busy won’t make you forget the feeling of love, it is always a matter of heart and Trust~

It is always a kind of motivation.

            Every time, I thought of those fancy and too romantic things…indeed, sometimes they are not that important because it is all about a matter of like (the fire), which grows in your heart. Recalling, who will you save if your mum and wife got drown in the water. In fact, there is no a definite answer. Who will you save and why? If there is a chance, I bet everyone would like to save both at the same time. A sentence makes me feel…the person who does not own the same blood as you is willing to give, love and care, no matter what, no matter who you are. I did shout loudly in my dorm when I got my marks in theory exam…I did climb the gate when I forgot to bring my keys…all and all those funny and clumsy things that I did. It doesn't matter, YOU DON'T MIND..., the only thing that matter is love makes you tolerate.

            Indeed, there is always a thing that makes me carry on, during work or study, suddenly miss those moments, but I need to be tough. Whenever I think that I am NOT the only one who strive for our future, I am NOT the only one who ‘suffer’ the bitter~ Obviously, it is NOT bitter, but bittersweet! The more you get motivated, the bitterness can be coped with sweet. A kind of mindset, a kind of love, a sense of belongings, everything seems to be worth and it is achieved. I don’t need to own a luxury life, but I am heading to achieve a life that I really want to live on. Time is always our accompaniment. We will prove it and I really trust it. There is a person who trusts me more than trusting myself, now, I trust you more than what you have believed. FAITH.

Little things

Suddenly, I realised that the little things that make me feel. When you finish bathing, someone helps you to wipe your hair. When I wanted to take a bus back home, someone drives you back. When you said that you have bought a lot of clothes, someone is willing to pay the favourite one. When you start watching Conjuring with him, you are NOT afraid. When you have insomnia, someone hugs you to make you sleep soundly. When someone feels that you hardly breathe during a period of sleeping, his face is really warm…I sensed his worries. When someone was sick and I had to go to 7-eleven to buy medicine…I thought I just take a few minute to come back and yet, he hugged me and said he thought something happened to me. Also, when I was sick, we took a few hours’ bus, just to take care of me, I was sleeping by his side. When I fell asleep, he was still awake…afraid that I might wake up suddenly. Finally, he slept at 3am. All these little things…have an ONLY, ONE reason. Love brings care, care brings warmth and warmth bring you happiness. It is really happy and feeling secure that when you wake up, the first sight that you see is the only Someone.

A memorable chop

            Logically, lock and key are inseparable, together seems to be their jobs and no one can ruin it. It seems easy to have a crush but difficulties are around the corner…only the real key can unlock the deepest heart. Nobody is the most suitable partner, but there is somebody who can make a difference. As for me, lock and key are a kind of secure…as if the lips and forehead, which bring you a short but memorable chop. I can’t forget the first time when I got frustrated, almost as cold as ice and start having a cold war, you are the one who hugged me and told me not to be angry. I suddenly realised my heart can’t be as cool as usual, I couldn’t get mad at that moment. I calmed myself and finally, I found something… A Unrealisable Medicine!

            I was insecure when I started to get cold. Thinking about the gaps and molecules, I feel nervous to feel it and endure in it. I am afraid to take steps. Hoping to find a better way to express myself. Shall I trust or shall I NOT trust? I asked. I am ready to put in my effort, I am NOT doomed to what I afraid, I am bound to what I hope. I only live once, and I do wish it really counts. There are a lot of sayings that do put too much trust and you are too young to experience the romance. Age…you may understand through ages but it doesn’t mean that you are too young to understand. I hope I prove it right that my mindset gives me a motivation to move on. I don’t need fresh things, but I do need a simple love. A big love is what I give to everyone, treating everyone as the one I respect and care for. I can’t tell who I love the most but I feel that, I sense that and I own it. This is the only secret that I keep in my heart and buried in it. I whisper to the one, to the ones and everyone.

A soft tender

            When you hug me like a teddy bear, I feel the power of being adored, and the spark of your odour. I can’t tell how much I love this, and I know you feel the same. When you hug me like a princess, I have no fear of height. I was shocked when I purposely ignored you and ran away from your arms, you smacked the walls, and I was as if a mouse…hiding in the blankets and crying like hell. I know how much you care for me and I really hope this continues and never ever stop. I wish hard! Every time, when I sleep in your arms, I feel secure and I fell asleep easily. I forget about those insomnia and bad dreams. When I suddenly woke up from the terrifying dream, you hugged me tightly and said: “It’s ok and I am here.” I feel safe and the safest. I do say I can’t live without you and I make it as a promise. Coz I love you more than what I thought. When you fell sick, I couldn’t sleep, hope that I am really by your side. Hope that YOU are FINE!

A childish anger

            When he was tired, but I kept on disturbing him to wake him up. After several ‘shouting’, I directly walked out his room, really dislike the feeling of getting ignored by someone. After that, I planned to have a walk to calm down my feelings. Unexpectedly, he cycled to find me as he had noticed that I went out. When I saw him, the feeling is like ANGRY but HAPPY. I know he cares always but it makes me feel like I am the one who increases his worries. After that, walked back, slept back and kept silent. I really need to learn to tolerate.

[IGNORE MY PRESENT TENSE…]

A New Start

            When distance seemed not to be a problem...when we thought trust is capable to sustain a relationship...when we thought love was sufficient, WE might be wrong and it is not what we think to be and meant to be. I hope after months and years, I will meet a guy who said: “I live myself and I have gone through something better in my life (in a positive way)”. Love is not the only thing in life, it is a part of life, an ideology in human life, a feeling…I hope you manage to know the true meaning that we are not together. I am glad that we are still good, best friends. I am fortunate to have you in my life…I don’t regret! I am happy, no matter past or present, I WON’T FORGET YOU. It is okay that you forget me¬ I hope for the best to you, no matter what.

            Thanks for being a good boyfriend previously and a good best friend now.

            Thanks for accompanying me throughout the long-distance relationship and the long-distance run! I appreciate so much, I really appreciate it. I hope you will find a better GIRL in future. In terms of tolerance, love, care, and everything…That girl will exist, time will tell us what are we going to do and what are we going to be…

            I hope for the best to you, as an ex, as a good friend, as a WHAT YOU THINK I am. Thanks for everything and anything you have done for me. All the best for your studies and exercise!!! I will learn to be a better person and looking forward to a better BS too. We will be BETTER AND the BEST one day! Please please please TAKE CARE of yourself. Don’t be sad, we are fine! We are okay...If there is anything troubling you, don’t forget ET is here… I will keep my promise and look forward to every moment, be HAPPY ALWAYS! 

Hoping that you will have a new definition of 'ALWAYS'!

--I wrote about HIM, and now, I write about YOU.--

---I'M lucky to have those wonderful days---

Fearless Peace

Every action begets a reaction,
From known to unknown,

Noon stumbles over humble,

Night woofs with the smooth,

Dawn remains blonde?

MUZOLOG (music monologue)

Colors Speak,
Silent You,
Soul Crawls,
Strengthen Me.

Call Me,
Heart Sings,
Capture You,
Stay Hard.

A Monologue of the Wanderer

I wonder
And ponder,
If I like the moonlight,
And if only I can capture it right...

I seek for flower
Without powder,
If I enjoy the night,
Without thinking of flight...

Sunset and Palm tree

【Sunset & Palm tree】
When sorrow as if the turbulent wave,
Received a hand palm during the sunset,
A shelter was given from the branches
To discover the perfect Sunrise.

An Incident that Touched me Most and Changed my Perception

Once, I believed there is no steel or diamond in my friendship. I had come across the obstacles and difficulties, yet I was lack of confidence. Due to fate, I met five little angels in my childhood. They were always by my side, endless giggling and laughing. Obviously, we were inseparable as if unbreakable bond. Those memories seem remarkable and memorable. True friends are difficult to forget.

Unfortunately, a phone call destroyed my happiness. My uncle was encouraging my parents to come back to Malaysia and he gave the golden opportunity to their career. Honestly, my parents agreed to be a manager in a photocopy shop to provide us a better future. They were only employees in Singapore. When I was at the age of eight, I forced to say goodbye to my five good friends. My tears rolled as if the water tap, they were uncontrollable! I ‘SWORE’ to avoid making good friends in Malaysia. What a childish notion! Yet, I failed to do so.

Years after years, they were always in my heart. Whenever I see something such as the field, I miss those wonderful days. We were a team in Sports Day, cooperating to win the champion! I was afraid that our friendship will fade. Finally, rainbow appears after the rain. I received a phone call which made me over the moon. I couldn’t describe my feeling, just awesome and unbelievable! I boarded a bus and it was time for me to hug the lovely country with my fellow friends. During the journey, I felt doubtful. “We haven’t seen each other for years…how am I going to talk with them? How about our friendship?”

After a few hours, I reached my destination. They were there to welcome me. We decided to go to ‘Xcape’ room as it was the most popular place among teenagers. ‘Xcape’ has a lot of games and titles. Without hesitation, we chose ‘Vampire Diaries’. Indeed, we shared the same interests. Before the game, girls and boys were separated as the boys were going to act as wizards and girls were the witches. Coincidentally, our group had got three girls and three boys. It was really fair in this game.

Next, six of us were led to a dark room and the game started immediately. We were asked to find the clue in the cardboard. Again, we showed our cooperation. Boys in-charged of the higher rows of the cardboard while girls in-charged of the lower part. Out of expectation, one of my friends discovered a hole on the top of the cardboard. After that, we realized that it was able to turn 180 Degree.

A prison was seen behind the cardboard. It was dark and I was scared by it. My friends were there to motivate me to enter the dark, silent prison. They are always reliable. Based on the vampires’ names, we managed to solve the passwords and puzzles. We got stuck in the last room. We didn’t give up till the last second. The worker of ‘Xcape’ entered the last room and said:” You guys have tried your best. Actually, if you manage to overcome the last stage, the witches will win and lock the wizards in this room. Thank you and come again.” One of my friends kid: “How can you cheat us without telling us the truth? We have known each other for 14 years.”

It was time to bid farewell. A cake was designed by us and we named our group as ‘Happy Anniversary’! After that, they accompanied me to the MRT station. It was far away from their house. “Never mind, we can accompany you as it is your last journey of this year in Singapore. Do miss us.” they said and laughed. The words warmed my heart. “The witches dared to betray the wizards as we know that we knew each other since young.” This is my answer in my heart.

Jing Xian, Jia Yu, Jia Jun, Hean Chung and See Yen, you guys are always my special old friends! I am really fortunate to know you guys. Thank God! From the incident, I believe in friendship. Friendship has no word and good friendship is demanded to be touched. Two phone calls had changed my perception towards friendship and thus built up the walls of our friendship. We managed to transform walls into doors. I shall never forget ‘Happy Anniversary’ and they are the amazing memories in my heart and soul!